NPCC Visit

Gees… For certain reasons, I enjoyed my Wednesdays having the kids with me but for some reasons as well its quite a drag. I enjoyed having them because I always have lots of fun with schools coming for a visit. I end my day with lots of laughter and silly jokes. Sean call me “Gilbert the stand-up comedian”. Hahaha. Its a drag as well because for their visit to my HQ, theres alot of preparation work to do and i usually end my day super tired. Today I had CHIJ and Hougang Sec with me. Greendale fly aeroplane. haiz…

Me: “A few weeks ago, an article was feature on the newspaper. A man flashes himself to a girl on a bus in the morning on his way to work. Let me ask you, if you are the girl, what will you do.”

Kids: “PUNCH HIM! KICK HIM! SLAP HIM!”

Me: No No No. Wait, I have a few options for you. A) Scream B) Slap Him (A kid interrupt “Can kick him? hahahahah” “Fine! Can.”) /Kick Him C) Tell the bus driver D) Say WOW!

Kids: A!!!! C!!! B!!! D!!!! D!!!!!!!!!!!!! D!!!!!!!!!

Me: NO NO NO!!! ALL WRONG! *kids giving me a blur look* The correct answer is D, Say WOW! than A, SCREAM! than B, Slap/kick him and than C, tell the bus driver.

Kids: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Man.. they are so easy to entertain.

Heres another one:

Me: In Singapore we are not allowed to carry pepper spray. But can you tell me what makes a pepper spray.

Kids: PEPPER AND WATER LOR!

Alamak.

This is a killer from last week.

Me: What bullets do NPCC carries?

Kids: 0.5mm! 1mm! 10MM!!!!!

Me: HOY!!! U think my father sell rojak or you all in Iraq shooting bazooka?!

Kids: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

They laugh at everything!

Today theres this group of girls from CHIJ making fun of my name.

CHIJ: ORH!!! HIS CALL CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ZHIIIIIIIIIIIIII WEIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

Me: GEES! I’m called Gilbert for your information.

CHIJ: GILBERT CHOO!!! HA CHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could only surrender and laugh with them at that time man. haiz… hahaha

Oh well that pretty sum up my day at work today. NPCC cadets gees… Somehow they are like my babies now.

Miss Khoo

To my blog entry “The Lonely Crowds” CK wrote:

“life’s a journey much to be enjoyed, a discovery meant to be savoured, a walk that is much alone.. coz until we know why are we here, then do we know wat we have to do.. and know our roles to play.. you are not a failure.. its just that you have not loved yourself enough to ask urself wat do u really want out of this life.. its not abt you being in others life.. its abt wat you are doing for them out of love..”

To my blog entry “What lies ahead?” CK wrote:

“for everything there is a season, a time for anything under the heavens (Eccl 3:1)

the time now is for you to love yourself, to ask yourself the hard questions, to cry your heart out.. to be brutally honest with yourself.. then ask yourself wat you wanna change.. and with that, move on.. there can be no tomorrow, if you can’t even identify you today…”

Thanks bro… Some really deep words there. Caught my heart man. “The time now is for you to love yourself” “Its just that you have not loved yourself enough to ask urself wat do u really want out of this life.” WOW! Somehow I have been hearing “to love yourself” these three words since I am in kindergarden. My teachers told me that, my aunts and uncles told me that, my friend told me that and woeilin told me that too. But I never truly understand what that means. In other words, I do not know how to love myself. Does loving yourself means to pamper yourself? Guard yourself from hurts from pain? I am only taught how to love others and not how to love myself. I guess I can only love myself when others start loving me back.

When I read CK words, I wanted to blog about them and Miss Khoo came into my mind. Miss Khoo is my primary 4 form teacher. To date, she is and will always be the No.1 teacher that created the biggest impact during my childhood days. She is the only one who believe in me when others doubted my ability and when your own family members, relatives and friends thought your a gone case. She make me prefect in school, gave me the best model pupil award and the Singa Courtesy Award. hahahahaa…I still remember when i was in primary 5 my form teacher Mr Fong had been finding every single chance to remove me from the prefectorial board. He tried numerous times and make use of every single chance to strip my badge off. He tried for a full 1 year and gave up on the last when I was in primary 6. The reason being, the head prefect mistress just simply refuse to fire me! And i strongly believe Miss Khoo back me up back then too.

The deepest memories of Miss Khoo was not because of everything she did above but is what she told me one day after school. I do not know the exact occasion or the exact event but I remember every word she told me. “Gilbert, whatever you do or where you go in your later part of life, always remember who you are right now. You have a very loving heart. No matter what happens in life, always be that person you are now, your whole life.” Wise words from a teacher who really cares. I never really understood what she meant back then. And i just say “Yes Miss Khoo” and i left for home. I dont think she will ever know how much her words had impacted my life now. I miss her and I regretted losing contact with her.

Miss Khoo, whereever you are now. Thank you! Thank you for believing in me when everyone else doubted me. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your love and your teachings. I am sorry that I could not be the Gilbert you always wanted me to be. The gilbert you knew in primary 4. The Gilbert that i had became is very wrong. And its only now that i recall the words you told me that very day outside the classroom, but its too late… I’m sorry….

“Ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life-altering? Is it four years, like high school? One year? An eight-week walking tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We’re always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead… but when you’re young, one hour can change everything.”- One Tree Hill

One hour changed everything.

What lies ahead?

Kahlil Gibran once wrote: “Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone is a force confining. And passion unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.”

What Kahlil wrote struck me hard and I decided to use it for my UniSim scholarship application. I was ask to write about two personal challenges i face in life and that was what I wrote as my greastest challenge that I ever face. Finding your reason and passion for living.

I count myself lucky as unlike many others, I know what I want in life and I am slowly bit by bit trying my best to pave my road there. The question I am facing right now is… Am i choosing the right path? One of my friend in station told me “Dude, you are sooooooo money driven!” I admit I am. I had chosen money over God. I had chosen money over many other things in life. And money is the reason why I am so into investment and trying out my own business start up. To me, money buy happiness, money buys everything and without money its only burdens, worries and unhappiness. I had seen so many friends that are rich and enjoying their life away. I picture myself able to travel and buy stuff without having to worry about bills later on.

I dont know what had caused me to be so money driven. Ever since primary school, my ambition is to be a businessman. To run my own company and get it listed and start hitting the big bucks. Since primary school i had already been paving my path. I start working at my uncle ice cream shop since primary 5 all the way till secondary school where I help him manage his store. After O Levels I wanted to take up business so badly that i took a part-time degree in Thames Business School while doing poly in the day. In poly I joined a business club, climbing for member to vice-president to treasurer to student adviser. My CCA transcript is 3 pages long when others could hardly finish their 1st. After poly, I jump into investments and the stock market. I had been reading books after books, reports after reports. My eyes are typically stuck to the charts on the latest market trends and the economic news thats going around everyday. The profits that i reap from all my devotions is 1) Left church 2) Lost all my friends 3) Find myself at a crossroad again.

What makes it harder to turn back is, when i look at my parents I can only continue moving forward and not stop to repath myself again. Ever since my dad’s business failed during the 1997 financial crisis, things in my family had took a big turn. We had to sell away my favourite home in kallang (2 4-rooms HDB hit into one) and move twice to clear our debts. Ok not like its a bungalow but than we never really worry about money back than. I got everything i wanted under the sun and the family was more like a family. With occasional trips overseas, to good restuarnts etc. My dad had his first holiday in 11 years in July this year since his business failed. He have been typically working 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 16 hours a day to support the family. My mum whom used to bring home a good salary pay got retrench and is now a housewife. I look at them and I told myself, one day i will repay them 1000 times back. I want to be able to send them off to travel around the world and to let them enjoy themselves for their later part of their lives. In order to do that i need money! I want to be able to go to them and say “Pa, Ma heres my credit cards. Pass me those bills and go enjoy yourself.”

My dad has been the greatest dad ever. All these years, he never once complaint or thought of giving up at all. He just keep on hanging on and do his duty as a father and as a husband. He came home everyday without even showing signs of tiredness or unhappiness. Name me one dad that could work 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 16 hours a day, at times even during chinese new year and not scold, complaint or blame his children and wife at all. I dont think one exist other than my dad. And now as i type this, all i could do its shed my tears of remorse and guilt. For being so spendthrift, so stubborn, so selfish. It is because of this very reason, I need to be able to provide my parents with a good retirement. Thats why i am speeding up my studies hoping to get out into the world to work as soon as possible. The sooner i start my career, the faster my parents will enjoy their lives. But all I am afraid is, I might not have the chance to do so or the time to bring forth happiness into their lives. For that i pray that time permits me to repay my parents and to for once in my life, a chance to be a filial son.

The Lonely Crowds

For several weeks now, i have been looking through my friends friendsters’ accounts. And i start to realise that I have never been a significant part of anybody lifes. And i have no one i could truly call as my true best friend or rather someone else close friend. Everytime as I go through my phone book wanting to chat someone up, i realise that out of the hundreds of contacts i have in my phone, none i could call. I finally understand the old proverb saying “Its quality and not quantity”.

“Have you ever look at a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.” – One tree hill

And i dare say other than my parents and my bro, i have never been in someone’s life when their dream came true or when their dream died. 21 years of my life, what have i accomplish? What impact have i created on this earth or in people’s lives? I guess i could officially called myself a failure caused i have accomplish none.

Good is Good – Sheryl Crow
Good is good and bad is bad
But you don’t know which one you had
She put your books out on the sidewalk
Now they’re blowing ‘round
But they won’t help you when you’re down

Love’s on your list of things to do
To bring your good luck back to you
And if you think that everything’s unfair
Would you care if you’re the last one standing there

And every time you hear the rolling thunder
You turn and run before the lightning strikes
And does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by

I don’t hold no mystery
But I can show you how to turn the key
Cause all I know is where I started
So downhearted
And that’s not where you want to be

And every time you hear the rolling thunder
You turn and run before the lightning strikes
And you could find a rock to crawl right under
And let your good times pass you by

When the day is done
And the world is sleeping
And the moon is on its way to shine
All the friends are gone
You thought were so worth keeping
You feel you don’t belong
But you don’t know why

And every time you hear the rolling thunder
You turn and run before the lightning strikes
And does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by

Every time you hear the rolling thunder
And you turn and run before the lightning strikes
Well does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by

When the day is done
And the world is sleeping
And the moon is on its way to shine (shine)
And all your friends are gone
You thought were so worth keeping
You feel you don’t belong
Neither do I

His Words…

Gees… This is my virgin post and i have no idea how to add a tag board, music, videos, change my template or anything yet. So I decided to just have this black boring background for now since black is my favorite color.

I don’ t know why everytime as I read his blog, his words reach out to me. His words either inspires me, touches my heart or it makes me think of the past we once had. The funny thing is I have this urge to check out his blog everyday to see how he is doing (if anyone is reading. I am damn straight for your information). I cant help but look back at how i had totally smash the whole friendship up through betrayal. But the sad thing is, how one mistake could actually wipe off all the good you put into the friendship. Where every sincerity and effort you put into turned into lies, deception and of one own gains. And I got to admit, thats what hurts me the most, when he said back then that everything i did was for my own gains to get close to her.

Now as things starts to improve slowly, I am happy to see him to at least have a story worth writing about. Everytime as he blogged about her or when i see them together, I am happy that at least they make it that far. I hope i can go to him and give him a pat on his shoulder “You have my blessing bro, hang in there you will finish the race as winners.”but I cant. And if only he knows nothing pleases me more to see them together. I just hope when we meet up with the three of us around, that he dont misunderstood my intentions of evading. Cause I know they hardly have time together and to them its precious.

“how do you know when you are in love or just an infatuation” She asked him. A picture came straight into my mind. Pointing to myself “I’m the infatuation”. To him “His Love”.

Sometimes I hope theres a U-Turn in life or God could just create a “Restart” button. For the past 1 year, it had been the most dramatic and pathetic year of my life. Running away from home, crash by first love, trying to kill myself in secondary schools days would have been called losers. I had made more enemies that i have ever made in my entire 21 years on earth. Everything i do seem to be wrong. Everywhere i go something or someone must be against me. My whole squad in academy hates me. It seems as if the once all popular guy in primary and secondary school turn Osama overnight. I miss the old gilbert, i really do. Everyday, every hour, every second i am searching for him, begging him to come back. But the honest truth is I dont know how. I dont know how could one infautation on a girl who never cares kill it all out of me.

Now i can only hope that i make it through NS and move on in life. When i get into UniSim, a new work place, hopefully than i can restart, give life another shot and to make everything that is wrong right again. I hope God will just give me another chance, but than again its only life tats all.