Dashed Hopes

“Willem wanted to preach. By the age of twenty-five, he’d experienced enough life to know he was made for the ministry. He sold art, taught language, traded in books; he could make a living, but it wasn’t a life. His life was in the church. His passion was with the people.

 

So his passion took him to the coalfields of southern Belgium. There, in the spring of 1879, this Dutchman began to minister to the simple, hardworking miners of Borinage. Within weeks his passion was tested. A mining disaster injured scores of villagers. Willem nursed the wounded and fed the hungry; even scraping the slag heaps to give his people fuel.

 

After the rubble was cleared and the dead were buried, the young preacher had earned a place in their hearts. The tiny church over-flowed with people hungry for his simple messages of love. Young Willem was doing what he’d always dreamed of doing.

 

But…

 

One day his superior came to visit. Willem’s lifestyle shocked him. The young preacher wore an old soldier’s coat. His trousers were cut from sacking, and he lived in a simple hut. Willem had given his salary to the people. The church official was unimpressed. “You look more pitiful than the people you came to teach,’ he said.

 
Willem asked if Jesus wouldn’t have done the same. The older man would have none of it. This was not the proper appearance for a minister. He dismissed Willem from the ministry.

 

The young man was devastated.

 

He only wanted to build a church. He only wanted to honor God. Why wouldn’t God let him do this work?

 

I had intended….

 

I had made my preparations…

 

But God….

 

What do you do with the “but God” moments in life? When God interrupts your good plans, how do you respond?

 

Willem was hurt and angry. He lingered in the small village, not knowing where to turn. But one afternoon he noticed an old miner bending beneath an enormous weight of coal. Caught by the poignancy of the moment, Willem began to sketch the weary figure. His first attempt was crude, but then he tried again. He didn’t know it, but at that every moment, Willem discovered his true calling.

 

Not the robe of clergy, but the frock of an artist.

Not the pulpit of a pastor, but the palette of a painter.

Not the ministry of words, but of images.

 

The young man the leader would not accept became an artist the world could not resist: Vincent Willem van Gogh.

 

His “but God” became a “yet God”.

Who’s to say yours wont become the same?”

 

God knows what is best for us. Every single one of us was given a specific set of gifts so that we may glorify His Kingdom. And sometimes along the way we lose sight and forget that what we want may not be what we need. And the things we pursue thinking that it’s the best for us, was actually what Pastor Benny Ho will call “settling for less.”

 

Yes, I will obey. I will stop wallowing in self-pity and despair and pull myself together. Because I do not want to “settle for less”. Because I do not want to put God’s gifts to waste.  Because I want to be the best God had intended me to be. 6 months to level up. 6 months to sanctify. 6 months to put all my dreams, my goals and my desires on hold. 6 months to put God’s first to grow in him to make sure that I will not fall back to greed and success again.

 
“Write today’s worries in sand. Chisel yesterday’s victories in stone.”

“Focus on giants – you stumble. Focus on God-your giant’s tumble.”

– Max Lucado

Psalm 119:30

“I have chosen to be faithful. I have determined to live by your regulations.” – Psalm 119:30

So this will be where i say goodbye.

What I Want May Not Be What I Need

Ryan Calhoun – What I Want

I’ve got nothing left
I’ve given my best
And I know I can’t do this
On my own
I’m torn between
Going after dreams
Or living with regret
Of letting go
I’m done with banging my head against the door
But can you peel me off this floor
Cuz I don’t know if I can get up again
What I want may not be what I need
Have I been let down?
Or am I learning now?
To trust in what I cannot see
But I’m tired of trying to figure out what you want
And tired of always screwing up
But this is all of me
What I want may not be what I need
Just let it go…
What I want may not be what I need

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I’m 22. Much as I consider myself luckier than many others my age. I am still a young adult transiting in life. I have dreams, I have goals and I have passion. I have been paving my path since secondary school. I plan my life 10 years ahead. Along the way, we fall and many a times we have no choice but to pick ourselves up and move on, to keep on running toward our dreams. Life’s a marathon. And in order to finish the marathon we cant stop but to keep on running. We have to run through the calm days and stormy weathers. Taking it hard, the bruises, the injuries and wipe away every single of our tears and run. And sometimes all we know is to run. To run away from our circumstances, our problems, wrong decisions. We thought as long as we run fast enough long enough we can live it all behind. But sometimes, things simply catches up to us.

We have plans. Everyone have plans. For 1 month, 3 months or like me 10 years. In our master plan, we put down the details. Stating clearly the As and the Bs of what we need to do to bring our plans to past. With our master plan in hand, we run. We give our best shot. We learn what we need to learn, do what we need to do. We bang the walls and we fall but we pick ourselves up cause we have a plan to follow. But in this plan, the reason why we hold so dearly to it is because it is everything we ever wanted. Everything! It has HAPPINESS engrave on it. But what we forget to add into our plan is. We forget to ask ourselves if its what we really need and if that is what God has plan for us. Because what we are all actually “planning” and searching for is not happiness. Its FREEDOM. Freedom to live life off without burdens, worry and measuring up. And true happiness lies in being totally free from pursuing empty wells of happiness that this world had taught us!

I thank God that his presence is always so readily available. That He always listens out to our cry and prayers. And I thank God because He answers. Now as I’m heading towards my ORD in Oct 9. I find myself again at a cross road. Having to seek and trust God that He will provide. My property career is picking up, I have many potential clients on hand and many are good ones. But I haven been closing deals. And even if i close a deal now, my commission will only comes in 6 months later. And it is this 6 months that is living me all desperate and tight up. Bern had introduce me a good business opportunity, one that you see quick results and reasonable amount of money. I mean it deals with diamonds and fuel, what do you expect. But God says no and I had to turn it down. I have been seeking God faithfully and He says to trust that He will provide. But its just so difficult!!! I plan my life 10 years ahead and its 1 month to ORD and here I am with no plan for the next 6 months! I know i need to let God take control of my life and to tell myself that I dont have all the answers. And now God is questioning my desperation that what i want is it what i need. God never leave any stones upturn and sometimes we dont even know those stones are there. And i know i must get pass this stage because only by getting by this stage I will know what i need and to submit fully to God’s authority. Its not the decision i make that is wrong before God but the motives behind it.

Save You (me)

Save You – Matthew Perryman Jones

I wanna rock-n-roll
I wanna give my soul
I’m wanting to belielve
I’m not too old
Don’t want to make it up
Don’t want to let you down
I want to fly away
But i’m stuck on the ground

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you

Watched it all go by
Was it really true
Is that what it was?
Was that really you?

I’m looking back again
Tracing back the threads
You said i was a mess
Or was it just in my head

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you
(2x)

Something’s gotta break
You gotta swing the bat
Too many years of dying
Why is that?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you
Wouldn’t that save you
(3x)

God! Help me to decide!

Labels

Labels. It brands us. It’s what that defines us. It’s how people relate and group us. Labels. It’s just a mask to cover up our inner self that we dont want others to know. Some people label themselves with music, others with style.

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.” – One Tree Hill

Yes. Each morning you choose to move forward or simply to give up. I chose to move forward. Moving forward by labeling myself. Every since secondary school, I had been labeling myself. With music, with gadgets, with the people I hang out with. I wanted to be amongst the cool. I hang out only with the hot and pretty. My groups of friends out of school are all “american born chinese”. We talk with a slang and with “cool” lingoes and gestures. The norm call us the “Potato”. But the sad thing with label is, you lose your identity. You lose yourself. 10 years down the road in life and you start to realise that labels have been such a great part of your life that you dont even know who you are! Labels are addictive. They hook you and follow you for life.

I was watching Colbie Caillat – Fallin’ For You and it hit me. It hit me in the sense that, sometimes its ok to be a… loser. To be yourself. It is to be yourself that matters the most. But as humans, we tend to search for assurance all the time. Everyone of us tend to have a certain extend of low self-esteem. We try hard. Try hard to prove ourselves to others. We always feel that we are not good enough, not up to the mark. And so we try. We try to be somebody, someone that people envys so that we can lift our head high. We start to package ourselves. Package ourselves with labels, hiding those “weaknesses” we have, those that we are not proud of.

Our whole life, we will be comparing, by ourselves or by others. In school, our parents compete with our examination results. If we are the smart ones, we lift our head high and your parents start to pour you with tonnes of sweet words and gifts. And on the loser end, your parents will probably  scold you for being a good-for-nothing and for throwing “face”. Out of school, your parents compare you with your cousins. When you grow up, you compare your careers, education level, pay roll, houses, partners EVERYTHING!

Last week, I was reading Psalms 18-27-33 for my follow up lesson and I broke down. God is addressing a very serious issue in my life. Self-worth. Psalms 18 have nothing to do with self-worth but yet God’s word spoke.

I’m tired. I’m tired of proving myself. I’m tired of impressing people and living up to the standards of men. I’m tired of always feeling “not good enough” for people. I’m tired of labeling myself. And God is tired of seeing me finding my worth in men instead of in Him.

Psalm 18 which talk about humility, strength and light, became a chapter where as God use to address self worth to me. I am to stop labeling myself. I am to know who I am in Christ. That my value is in God and not in men. For God had sent his only begotten Son to die for me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Love Dare Day 3

Love Dare Day 3 – Love Is Not Selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love give preference to one another in honor. – Romans 12:10

We live in a world that is enamored with “self”. The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship.

The opposite of love is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act, and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.

Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mates? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.

Love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Loving couples – the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage – are bent on taking good care of other flawed human they get to share life with. That’s because true love looks for ways to say “yes”.

One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.

Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of your partner above your own.

Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish action. The truth is, when you relinquish your rights for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage.

Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you. But is it a loving reputation? Remember, your partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3

I am selfish. And as I type this blog entry, I say that I had never loved her before. The fact that I could even confess to her that I like her even when I know things won’t work out, is plain selfishness. I was seeking a quick relieve as to letting my emotions control me, in the name of “I want to just get it over and done with.” Every day as I read the Love Dare book, I came to understand that we as humans, we actually knew how to love. When God created us and as we “pop” out of our mother’s womb, we were created in his perfect image. And with that we are created to love like God had loved us. The way love is created to be, in the first place. Our first genuine love would always be our “First Love”. As each relationship fails, it breaks our heart. As our hearts break, we learned along the way and we gained experienced thinking we are “wiser” and “stronger” now. But what we don’t know is, along the way as we gain our “experiences”; we naturally start to protect ourselves from the next hurt. We tend to tell ourselves that “we shouldn’t be doing this or we shouldn’t be doing that. That will scare her off.” “No that won’t work. The last time I did it, she left me.” “We should not allow ourselves to fall in too deeply so that we can back off before it’s too late.” “Love just a game, play by the rules and she will be yours.”

Since when had Love become a game? God created us out of love, not as puppets to play with. God meant relationships and marriage to last for a lifetime.  Some say married couples stayed married even in heaven! As we start to protect ourselves from the next hurt, we are not giving our 100% into a relationship. And with the world not giving each other their 100%, that is why more and more marriages fail and adultery cases are on the raise. In each of our own selfish ways, we draw each other further and further away from each other and we start to realize the person sleeping beside us is merely a stranger. We should love like we had never been hurt before. We should love like it’s always our first love. Love so pure, so innocent without deceitful gains. It’s not easy, but with God all things is possible.

Lord teach me how to love like you had first love me. Amen.

Love Dare Day 2

The scriptures say that God designed and created marriage as a good thing. It is a beautiful, priceless gift. Marriage is used to eliminate loneliness, increase our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life and bless us with relational intimacy. But beyond this, marriage also shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner. To love is a powerful union that provides the path for you to learn how to love another imperfect person unconditionally. It is wonderful. It is difficult. It is life changing.

The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The bible says that “the heart is more deceitful than all else” (Jeremiah 17:9), and it will pursue that which feels right at the moment. We should think differently-choosing instead to lead our heart toward that which is bet in the long run. This is a key to lasting, fulfilling relationships.

In the course of our marriage and relationships, it is a journey where we explore and demonstrate genuine love even when our desire is dry and our motives are low. We choose to love them as who they are instead of changing our spouse into the person we want them to be. The truth is Love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.

We have the responsibility to protect and guide our heart. Don’t give up and don’t get discouraged. Resolve to lead your heart and to make it through to the end. Learning to truly love is one of the most important things you will ever do.

Love Dare Day 2 – Love Is Kind

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32

Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem, kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive.

Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable. When you’re kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. – Proverbs 3:3-4

4 Basic Core Ingredients for Kindness

1) Gentleness: When you’re operating from kindness, you’re careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnessarily harsh. You’re sensitive. Tender. Even if you need to say hard things, you’ll bend over backwards to make your rebuke or challenge as easy to hear as possible. You speak the truth in love.

2) Helpfulness: Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met- even if his are put on hold.

3) Willingness: Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. You look for reasons to compromise and accommodate. A kind husband ends thousands of potential arguments by his willingness to listen first rather than demand his way.

4) Initiative: Kindness thinks ahead, than takes the first step. It doesn’t sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. They don’t require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.

It is difficulty to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.