So everyone is unique and special right? That God created us all in his image. His perfect image. The day that we were born, we might be sinful but we are pure, innocent, naive and genuine. That our mind and our hearts were open and in tact, ready to give it all for the world and believe that this world is not as sick as it gets.
And slowly and bits by little, we came to experience life the way we least expected it to be. All that we were taught; love, integrity, sincerity, kindness; all that our heart are meant to be, start to put on a different face. That childlikeness we use to have turn cold, and our hearts harden to the cruelity of this world in the name of being “wiser” and “smarter”. We call it “life experiences”. And we lead it on to our friends and younger generation by sharing experiences and life stories so that they dont make the same mistakes as we do, in order for us to replace with our own.
These inner walls that I had built all these years of my life cause me to realise that I had lost myself, who I am suppose to be. That is why no matter how hard I try, how many wells i had tried running to, to find purpose and meaning in life, brings me back to ground zero time and time again to realise that I had not progress. No matter how successful I am in life, I am still empty always in search for more, thinking that emptiness in me can be filled up. And I thought all those sleeping around could allow me to find the love I am in need of and in search of. And I thoughts all those ice bags i shield myself with could make me stronger and a better man to only realise that I am an idiot at the end of day.
I thank God. That he revealed all these to me. To make me realise that, I cant continue to live life the way I have been living it. If I do, I will find myself on the same grounds upon my dead bed. That I need to break down all those walls and be that idiot that this world would call me to be. That I have to love without expecting anything in return. That I have let that heart out to be vulnerable instead of hidding it up from hurts. This is because this is who I am to be. The guy with the heart. That silly guy who give it all and expect nothing in return. That guy who cares and give a damn when no body else do. That kind guy. Yes that Mr Nice Guy. And I have to love myself before I could love others.
I need to stop rebelling. Rebelling against the fact that I am not who I am to be. I am not that cool dude that girls will throw themselves at. I am not that smart kid on the block with the brightest mind. I need to be truthful with myself that I can never be the guy I want to be but the guy I am meant to be. The guy that God created me to be!
Thank you Lord! For hitting it hard into me. Thank you! Time to hit the “Restart” button. *HIT*
