So we ended.. As in for good.. Currently we are stopping all forms of communication so that I can take some time to get over her. God had spoken so clearly, but i didnt want to admit it you know. I had this glimpse of hope! that I can wait and take it slow, and when she’s ready, we can be together. I thank God for a Godly woman like maiz, that indeed I am not ready to commit into a serious relationship because she has been the one leading all along and the decision to STOP TOTALLY was from her too. That she is the one who decided we are not suitable since we have different burdens. I have continuously deny the fact that this season is a SEASON OF SERVICE! Now I have no choice but to obey God, before He do the drastic! Trust me you wont want God to do that!
God reminded me today of my burdens and visions that He had given me. The tuition centre that I am supposed to support in chiang mai and the orphanage cum training centre I am supposed to setup in Pattaya. I am constantly reminded of 2 Samuel 7. That my Godly desire might not be God’s desire. That is something to pray about for sure, but over the series of events that had happened for the past few weeks, had constantly link me back to Pattaya. Why Pattaya? This is Pattaya!
It saddens me that alot of my close thai friends, people who i love and care for are from pattaya. A city of wholesale sex trade. A city where you can typically walk up to any girl and pay them to sleep with you. The sex trade in pattaya typically takes up 80% of the economy there i guess. For every 5 steps will be a A-GoGo bar or pubs or massage parlour. I cant change a whole city, but I can save one soul at a time and make a difference in the next generation of children.
2 weeks back when ploy and cherry came to Singapore, I broke down after dropping them off at their hotel. I typically freak out at the thought of seeing them going to hell as non-believers. For once in my life, I actually trembles at the thought of my friends burning in eternal fire. I felt fear, i felt inadequacy. I actually felt fear for prosecution, rejection, condemnation. How I will risk our relationship if I am to reach out to them! A group of very committed buddhist believers. Where they believe in buddha as much as we believe in Jesus Christ.
Part of the reason of choosing Pattaya is really for them. People like ploy, cherry, lui, wat, kru toy, jenney, tum, kru yodtong, kru jak, kru chart, kru kig, kru ped, kru noi and many more. I constantly pray and ask myself if this is my calling or God’s calling. But i guess as i pin the puzzel together, I start to see God paving my path each step of the way, from knowing them, to become a family with them, to me having this burden for pattaya.
I do not know how I am able to bring all this to pass alone, however I believe if this is God’s plan, He will lead me to the right people, the right doors. He will guide me and He will show me the way! I want to be the Good Samaritian in the parable of luke. I want to give and be a blessing in pattaya, I want to give the people of pattaya a chance to be fully preach at; to know God! And only with God all this could be possible.
